Day 7: Life, It's MORE Than About “ME”

*Longer version, but please read.

The night before was a blur. I remember coming to, and remember seeing my aunts. Soon I would fall back to sleep and be awaken with immense pain. I looked down at my side, and there was a even bigger piece of tube rammed into my chest. I was confused. I thought I wouldn’t have a tube again, but there sticking out of flesh was what would look like the diameter of a garden hose.

Pains were throbbing all over my chest and lower back. I felt as if my kidney was about to burst. It was merely pain from the surgery, though. It was as if my nervous system was thawing out. The pains grew to an extent that I could not find the words to express, but merely groans took their place. I clicked the monitor for the nurse to come. I needed something to help this throbbing pain and sharp pains.

THIRTY MINUTES OR MORE pass, and no no one responds to me...the groans increase, my eyes glisten. I pray. I reminded God that I trust Him with this GRACE, and I needed it now. Soon, my best friend Mike walked in. I couldn’t tell it was him through my glazed eyes and anguish. I had hoped it was the nurse. I told him I needed her now. He darted away to retrieve her. She went and got me morphine.

I felt as if I was a druggie as she shot me up through my IV. My veins felt fire running through them, carrying a released soothing I would soon have, but not need. The doctor set me up with a Morphine system where I could just click a button and release it into my body.

I didn't want it. I didn't need all those pain killers in my body. After the first dose, I spent time with God about my circumstances. I prayed again, knowing his GRACE was enough for me. Sharing that all I needed was His peace, and I trusted his scripture that He would not put more on me than you one could bear. The pain that existed grew light, to the extent I could bear it. I knew it was Him and His GRACE.

The nurses would come in and complain that I was not using NOWHERE near enough of morphine for the type of intense surgery I had. I told her I would try to use more as fitting, but I could handle it.

And I could, and I did.

*Side Note

I'm not saying all meds and such are bad and don't take them. I'm saying there is times, when our bodies can heal BETTER, naturally, and in some instances, there is always another solution or mind over matter, or grace to be received to aid you in your time of need.

Some people will try to urge/push on you that which seems to make sense to them, that which is common and commonly received, but only you and God the creator of you, truly know...YOU and what you need.

I knew morphine caused the body to lock up in its digestion system. For those that don't know, I got diagnosed with a chronic digestion disorder that was first thought to be potentially cancerous, then thought to be crohns disease, to now merely a chronic digestive condition...

I knew my body, and what it needed, therefore, I rejected what they THOUGHT was best.

Continuing on...

My aunts and few friends would stop by for a quick visit to see how I was after surgery. Their love and comfort I greatly appreciate and love them even more now than ever. I am forever grateful for them taking their time to come and see me.

I had to keep my mother aware everyday, that I was okay, and in good hands. As you know, mothers have such a weird but beautiful sensitivity to us all. Her heart was shaken by my ordeal, as well as my family as a whole. But I tried my best to let them hear me strong, and that God was delivering.

My mother wanted to come and see me but tickets ran up to over $1000. My brother wanted to come with her as well and put forth great effort to come and be by me, but work situations and flights were also hindrances. My best friend was on a trip and put forth effort to come and be by me and was not able to conquer the flight situations.

I realized as I was spending time talking with God, that this story was a message of TRUST to my family and friends, and to you reading this as well. Trusting in God to handle what was not seen coming, and couldn’t be seen in such a sudden and crazy situation with my life. To go from these family and friends smiling and laughing, to a few days later, fighting for to breathe, and to live, was a shock to all. Yet, the overall ordeal, was not a shock to me. I told my one best friend before I left the east coast that I needed prayer, because I believed in my spirit while praying one day that I was about to go through some things when I returned to L.A. Some big things and changes. **Soon God would speak to me in GA before departure that He was “preparing me” for what was to come. I was up and ready.**

I didn't know it would be a collapse lung and stuck in hospital...but I had already begun to have faith and Trust in Him to protect and provide, TRUST and GRACE just SKYROCKETED and became so much more real than ever in my life.

It's easy to say great things about God and His grace and provision and etc, when you are on the mountain top. And some, don't believe in God and believe in what they hear of those on the mountain top...

But for those in the valley of trials and tribulation...see God in person, experience God's grace and character that we often speak of and hear. God is just as real to me today as before in my life, but the experiences I have had with him on this journey have be far more intimate and real than any other times in my life. Many want to be hero and the deliver, Most never want to be in a position to be delivered, BUT GOD personally delivers and therefore is in the delivery, and great is the moment to experience Him and His consistent love and FAITHFULNESS...

Does that make me super spiritual man now? No. I merely wish to share that God is who He says He is, and in the stories of the bible though words pushed and pulled through history, depict a consistent and forever true CHARACTER and NATURE of a Loving and True God that can be experienced, not just prayed up to with words and pew sitting.

He's an active in the life-type God, that desires to be closer to us, and active in our lives to reach and love others through such a trial-some world.

My life with God, has been far greater... than my life without him. Without him, sure great moments, but even then, and in my DARKEST hours, I was empty, spiritually alone, with a lost soul with no identity beyond what the human nature of man would try to stereotype me into—which was also, just a shell that would return to the earth.

I always knew life had to be more than what I could see. Many feel that way. Even scientist knew there had to be more than what met the eye, so they built means to look deeper into life as we know it.

And I believe as I have soul searched and passed through religions and spiritual systems that exist, there is a strand of DNA, a nature of God that exist in all of them, but in most, only a strand of the only ONE TRUE GOD, that once known, His Son and all that He is will forever change and empower your life beyond your thinking and dreams. He has mine. Start searching, and don't stop until you are truly spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally fulfilled. Some may think they already are fulfilled, but if looked at your life through an eternity lense, instead of just TODAY, would you feel the same? Does your life fulfill only you, and not truly anyone else? Are you just living life day by day, getting older and wondering what's left for me in life..If you desire to know more and my experiences, feel free to ask me via facebook or email:bradcole09@gmail.com

Our life was never created for just us to be pleased and enjoy, only, but to ehco into eternity with influence, impacting lives for God, for good, for ALL, permeating the world with love for another, no matter, the what.

Life, It's MORE Than About “ME”

Day 6: Seeing With Eyes Wide Shut

Day 6: Seeing With Eyes Wide Shut

The night was rough. They decided to bring me in a new patient to agitate me some while at my wonderful stay at the Hospital Inn. (Inserting Sarcasm) This one was perfect to have by my side. I would find out that he had pneumonia. I believe to have a surgery on my collapsed lung and then to possibly breathe in or contract pneumonia on top of that would not be pleasant.

A different nurse walked in this morning. I asked her if it were possible that I could have another x-ray taken. Within, I still wanted to see if anything, any miracle would have taken place over night. However, they said they found it doubtful the doctor would be reached and approve, yet another x-ray. So, I asked if I could have/see the copies or originals of the previous x-rays. I felt so blind going into this day. I wasn't able to see any facts, or anything but only having word of mouth from the doctors.

I knew that for sure there was no miracle and I was going to have to more deeply Tru....yes..TRUST God.

As I laid there, I began to grow warm, as I have before over the past few days. My bed was in the farthest corner of the room by the window. I hardly ever opened the blind. For one, I didn't want to be teased of viewing the outside, but more so because the sun and heat would ignite a wild fire type heat wave in the corner of the room. Often I was nauseous and this morning was no different. I felt like my struggling lung and the only strong one left, was being squeezed together like two balloons. I felt they there were about to pop. I was suffocating in the room. I had already told a nurse each day about the air flow and LACK of AC and they would always say “Oh, yeah, we are checking on that issue”.

Never got taken care of at all.

I had to push through and ask for 3 bags of ice paks to put under my arms and behind my neck. My temp often tripped over 100 and my BP was usually around 150'ish over around 100'ish.

The day went LONG. The assistant to the surgeon came in the room to inform me that the surgery would be pushed to around 3.

Some of my friends from my church community group came and visited me, as well as my awesome aunts that just happened to be vacationing in L.A. They would eventually surround my bed in a semi circular fashion, holding hands, each praying over me. I felt like a circle of angels were in the room.

The clock kept ticking. I was cool. I was anxious. I wanted to get it over with. I knew the process was going to be painful afterward, but was more concern about HOW MUCH pain would be awaiting me once I was out. The thoughts of them unnaturally doing something in my body made me nauseous again. The idea of them scraping the inside wall of my chest cavity to fuse my lung up against sounded like a crazy scientist experiment.

It would be around 6pm I believe, that this particular nurse would show up to take me away. She decided to take my whole bed to the operating room. She wheeled me through the door and into the hallway. It was like heaven, I think. The hallway was extremely bright, long, and wide. Orderlies would look down at me as I went by. Some would just look at me as if I was snoopy in the Macy's Parade.

We took an elevator down to the floor where it would all begin. My aunts saw me off as I entered the refrigerator room. Yeah, it was that cold. The one guy asked me if I wanted a blanky. First of all, dude asking me if I want a “blanky”, that's just...so anyways, I said, yes. Soon the surgeon walked in and said some things I don't remember, except, “Now, Mr. Cole it is the right lung right?”. I gave him a look that I can't type the word it would reflect, but He quickly darted, “I'm just kidding, I know which one!”

I just used some of my acting wit and smiled back. He took a pen of some sort out and wrote like and “R”, then something small in the middle, and another “R” I just figured it meant something with my right lung or I needed some R&R. Which would soon be true. I felt branded.

I had no idea when they were going to start. Some guy started talking to me about stuff I don't remember--just making conversation. They hooked up my IV while another person was doing something to my left arm. Under my breath I said, “God, I'm putting myself in your hands, and in these people you have allowed to work on me. Go before me Lord in this procedure. Make the way straight, make it safe, may your will be done and that I have favor, I trust you and your grace”. Yes, I do remember those exact words, for I often pray that prayer along those lines before a big situation.

I was seeing, this whole dilemma through via my faith. A faith that was grounded in years of not just His word, and church, and etc. But, a personally developed faith that God himself had developed by again and again proving himself as the God who hears, the God who provides, and the God that delivers.

In order for me to see the great thing He was doing and allowing with my life, and with this very situation that was a decree and showcase of TRUST in Him, FAITH in HIM, Obedience in HIM =An INTIMACY with HIM...

I had to see with Eyes Wide Shut...