Day 6: Seeing With Eyes Wide Shut

Day 6: Seeing With Eyes Wide Shut

The night was rough. They decided to bring me in a new patient to agitate me some while at my wonderful stay at the Hospital Inn. (Inserting Sarcasm) This one was perfect to have by my side. I would find out that he had pneumonia. I believe to have a surgery on my collapsed lung and then to possibly breathe in or contract pneumonia on top of that would not be pleasant.

A different nurse walked in this morning. I asked her if it were possible that I could have another x-ray taken. Within, I still wanted to see if anything, any miracle would have taken place over night. However, they said they found it doubtful the doctor would be reached and approve, yet another x-ray. So, I asked if I could have/see the copies or originals of the previous x-rays. I felt so blind going into this day. I wasn't able to see any facts, or anything but only having word of mouth from the doctors.

I knew that for sure there was no miracle and I was going to have to more deeply Tru....yes..TRUST God.

As I laid there, I began to grow warm, as I have before over the past few days. My bed was in the farthest corner of the room by the window. I hardly ever opened the blind. For one, I didn't want to be teased of viewing the outside, but more so because the sun and heat would ignite a wild fire type heat wave in the corner of the room. Often I was nauseous and this morning was no different. I felt like my struggling lung and the only strong one left, was being squeezed together like two balloons. I felt they there were about to pop. I was suffocating in the room. I had already told a nurse each day about the air flow and LACK of AC and they would always say “Oh, yeah, we are checking on that issue”.

Never got taken care of at all.

I had to push through and ask for 3 bags of ice paks to put under my arms and behind my neck. My temp often tripped over 100 and my BP was usually around 150'ish over around 100'ish.

The day went LONG. The assistant to the surgeon came in the room to inform me that the surgery would be pushed to around 3.

Some of my friends from my church community group came and visited me, as well as my awesome aunts that just happened to be vacationing in L.A. They would eventually surround my bed in a semi circular fashion, holding hands, each praying over me. I felt like a circle of angels were in the room.

The clock kept ticking. I was cool. I was anxious. I wanted to get it over with. I knew the process was going to be painful afterward, but was more concern about HOW MUCH pain would be awaiting me once I was out. The thoughts of them unnaturally doing something in my body made me nauseous again. The idea of them scraping the inside wall of my chest cavity to fuse my lung up against sounded like a crazy scientist experiment.

It would be around 6pm I believe, that this particular nurse would show up to take me away. She decided to take my whole bed to the operating room. She wheeled me through the door and into the hallway. It was like heaven, I think. The hallway was extremely bright, long, and wide. Orderlies would look down at me as I went by. Some would just look at me as if I was snoopy in the Macy's Parade.

We took an elevator down to the floor where it would all begin. My aunts saw me off as I entered the refrigerator room. Yeah, it was that cold. The one guy asked me if I wanted a blanky. First of all, dude asking me if I want a “blanky”, that's just...so anyways, I said, yes. Soon the surgeon walked in and said some things I don't remember, except, “Now, Mr. Cole it is the right lung right?”. I gave him a look that I can't type the word it would reflect, but He quickly darted, “I'm just kidding, I know which one!”

I just used some of my acting wit and smiled back. He took a pen of some sort out and wrote like and “R”, then something small in the middle, and another “R” I just figured it meant something with my right lung or I needed some R&R. Which would soon be true. I felt branded.

I had no idea when they were going to start. Some guy started talking to me about stuff I don't remember--just making conversation. They hooked up my IV while another person was doing something to my left arm. Under my breath I said, “God, I'm putting myself in your hands, and in these people you have allowed to work on me. Go before me Lord in this procedure. Make the way straight, make it safe, may your will be done and that I have favor, I trust you and your grace”. Yes, I do remember those exact words, for I often pray that prayer along those lines before a big situation.

I was seeing, this whole dilemma through via my faith. A faith that was grounded in years of not just His word, and church, and etc. But, a personally developed faith that God himself had developed by again and again proving himself as the God who hears, the God who provides, and the God that delivers.

In order for me to see the great thing He was doing and allowing with my life, and with this very situation that was a decree and showcase of TRUST in Him, FAITH in HIM, Obedience in HIM =An INTIMACY with HIM...

I had to see with Eyes Wide Shut...