Day 5: Let Go

The night was quiet, other than the sudden jump-ups of the patient next to me that had more gas than a brand new BP Station. It was horrible and would wake him up. His breathing was that of King Kong with a cold. It was horrible that I just had to be awaken by the nurse during this time, who was checking my vitals. I prayed for him though. Sounded rough. It was hard to fall back asleep, but eventually...

As I peeled my eyes open to “Mr. Cole?”, for I guess probably the fifth time she said it, I realized it was time for my vitals. The day was finally here that I would be able to be let go because of the miracle of my lung healing up smoothly.

After they left, I decided to spend some time in prayer and reading some of my devotion. I overheard one of the nurses mentioning something about the vacuum that was suctioning out...whatever it was in my chest and lung, providing it the ability to inflate and heal. The nurse she talked to said, yes, we shut it off last night.

That's right! I thought to myself. I felt confident everything would be okay. However, when I told my mom the news she sounded not as thrilled as I thought. She went on talking about making sure I stayed in as long as needed to make sure I was 100% okay. I was like, mom, it's okay. If they think I'm good, I'm good.

The day carried on smoothly until a nurse walked in, sharing a sentence I didn't expect. “Mr. Cole unfortunately we need to turn your suction back on. Your lung would not inflate by itself to 100% and stay stable at all. Actually, it got worst in the one area where it was collapsing.”

I was quiet for a moment, slightly confused. I asked how much longer than would I have to stay on the machine, and she said she was not sure, and that it could be several days until the lung fully inflated and began healing.

I laid there. Closed my eyes. And said, “I trust you...daddy, I need/appreciate your grace, hold me.”

I knew I was going to be okay. It's just a few more days. Sure, its day 5 and I have a leash one me (tube), that has had me stuck on my back, causing me to have to be wiped down to be considered bathed, unable to move at all without experiencing throbbing pain in my chest, in my side from the tube, and randomly in my lower back since I was, stuck in bed. But I focused, I felt His Peace, and confidence and joy re-lifted. It was that fast, yes. I had been in numerous painful and trying storms in my life and the confidence in Him and Him in me was there, just needed to process what she said, and shift my eyes back on His GRACE that I KNEW was there.

After awhile, I texted my best friend the news, and they responded with a call worrying that I would be on a machine much longernow, and maybe for the rest of my life. I IMMEDIATELY, asked him to hush, and chill. I told them all is okay, all is well, I am fine, I will be out SOON enough. They understood, and hung up.

--Side Note-- Sometimes when life events happen of nearly any kind, our friends and even loved ones can be the very fuel to a fire that burns our ship that was floating on hope, to soon sink into despair. How? Glad you asked. When most events happen and challenge our human nature we can become weak minded and even restless. The last thing we need is negative thoughts or ideas (ideals) to be INSERTED into our minds...thoughts provoking emotions, that then provoke—ACTIONS. Follow me? I didn't need to open my mind up to being on a machine for the rest of my life or at all. This MAY sound foolish and crazy to you but its a small example of how we fail to see our responsibility of what enters into our my mind to our soul and to our actions. I love my friend and family, but I have to turn a deaf ear when they speak of things that I KNOW could cause negative havoc in my mind and soul, especially when my mind goes IDLE.

Some people would be dang near fine in their situations if we supported with positive and God driven thoughts with our words instead of sitting there panic attacking with them or being the “worry wart” that puts a lot more pressure on them than they need. Just Be...careful.

Sorry, that was a long side note, but someone needs to hear it.

MOVING ALONG.

That night my best friend came back in. Surprising at the same time this strange doctor walked in confidently and slightly goofy. He began talking about my situation. I figured at this point that maybe since he knew so much he would know how long I would be in here.

Instead he said, “So, yeah the best option for you is surgery”

My heart began to sink. What? Wha...what? NO, this can't be. What type of surgery?

Oh, you want to put 3...check this, 3 more holes in my side? You want to cut on a piece of my lung and clip it off? You want to SCRAPE the inside of my chest cavity to create a rough surface so the lung can be ATTACHED to it and heal in about eh, 3 months?

WHO ARE YOU??

He was the the specialized surgeon that my doctor had contacted for me... that I wasn't aware of until then.

He spoke so confidently assuring me with his 98-99% success rate, that the surgery was the best route and tomorrow, would be a good time to fit me in.

TOMORROW?????

It was happening way too fast.

Friends, at this point, I began that process of weeping. I was weeping not because of the surgery, but because I was beside myself...I was like God, wait so no miracle? TRUST ME.....but they haven't shown me anything can I see the results myself...TRUST ME...

I wept for only a quick moment. I wept because I didn't want God to think that I didn't have faith in Him to do the miracle if I went on with the surgery. And, I just wanted to give Him that opportunity to work.

My friend left, and thankfully, another friend appeared and would be my source of bedside comfort and ear to hear my heart.

I pondered on the miracle He did for me when as a baby I nearly died several times, almost killed my mother at birth, diagnosed with a severe case of Jaundice, had Ricochets, lung complications, and liver was put on a list for need of a donor...and GOD miraculously took it ALL away...saving my life..

Surely this was another one of those times?

No. This time was about a deeper walk with God in experiential FAITH, TRUST, AND OBEDIENCE.

I was going to have my body not only in the hands of God, but in the hands of this man ( not just any man that God would bring my way, but an acclaimed, awarded, well known specialist in this field)...

With the thoughts and emotions that were trying to subdue me...I had no choice but to make the best choice I knew to trust in, and that was to...

Let Go.

---To Be Continued.