"Take My Hand Boss"

A Silent Collapse, A Loud Grace

Moving into-

Day 2. “Take My Hand Boss”

I had no choice to take the Hand of God, as it was being offered to me, such as in The Green Mile, by John Coffey ( like the drink), gave his hand out to Tom Hanks character, Paul Edgecomb.


As an actor and entrepreneur, I was the boss of my schedule. I was on top of things. I was well aware of what was going on most of the time, or at least able to quickly assess things.

When the doctor said, “ I am going to have to cut a hole in you and insert a tube in your side to get this pressure out and help your lung, okay?”, I immediately, responded “..is there not any other way??”.

I sent my sister, Kathy a text while not even sure what time it was or cared if she was in bed. She is basically my go to nurse (actually a Medical Asst. to a Surgeon in real life), that I have to check with her doctor colleagues for answers. She responded eventually with the answer I didn't want, which was Yes, this is the only best method..

I knew in that moment, I again, I had to trust God. Did I not already? I did, but I believe my actions were more of doubting this man...this well accomplished degree decorated professional doctor, that he just may have forgotten another strategy in his bag, is all.

To get to the bottom of it. I was going to be cut on. NOT the position where I thought God would be taking me. I figured, Hm, another MIRACLE happening and I'd be good to go in no time. The Doctors then throws out something like, “Oh, by the way, we are just going to numb you with 3 needles and then do this procedure.”

I had to slide my hand into God's in that moment. I looked forward in the cold ER room. And I said, “God, I put my body in your hands, and in these doctors hands as you wish. I TRUST YOU. I welcome your GRACE.

At the time, it was in my spirit, but not in FULLY in my mind that GRACE had to be present or this was not to be happening as was.
Each piece of metal pierced my skin, fluid gushes into my body. His peace fell on me. He began to cut the hole for the tube.
--side note, Dr. did not put his mask on while making the incision. For those of you who don't know, that is FULLY RETARDED to do. BUT, I trusted God that no bacteria, no germ, no hair follicle from his balding head would fall into my incision. (It didn’t, of course).

As he began to put the tube in, he noted, “Well unlike us other men in here, this gentleman has more muscle than I thought.” They chuckled, but he was having a hard time getting the tube in. Finally, GUSH! The tube jammed through as his pressure pushed forward into me. My leg went up instantly kicking a pan, scaring everyone. My focus on God shifted to the physical in that moment. I quickly put it back on Him, for the crap they injected me with was beginning to wear off some already by the time he go the tube in, and I could FEEL the tube inside of me as I tried to breathe.

They rushed to get me to a room and soon brought me some morphine I believe. The nurse said I would feel a warm feeling in my body. She asked me how I felt, I replied, “ I feel like I have a tube in my chest.” She smiled and I did as well. God's peace was surreal. I felt the pain, but for some reason...it was bearable. I know, it was because I LET GO and focused on His presence, His Nature.

My best friend and roommate, Mike came in, I knew he would find me eventually. I told him which hospital that I was at via txt before they jammed me with a tube. He was able to find it. I told him how crazy it was that I found the hospital across the street. He smiled through the pain of seeing me fighting for air, and replied, “Well, whats even crazier is that you found one of the only hospitals that specializes in chest pain”.

--Side note THERE WAS A BIG SIGN ON THE FRONT OF THE EMERGENCY WING THAT SAID CHEST PAIN/EMERGENCY..ha..random...--

I was not where I wanted to be, but where I needed to be. Mike soon had to leave, and I was all alone in a room full of hospital noises I wanted to forget when I was a child.

I prayed. I told Him that I was not afraid. He said He knew. I wondered what was next. How much longer will I have to be here. I asked, and there was no CLEAR answer, But I felt inwardly it was going to be a little longer than I already expected.

I told my mother, “..I am okay, mom. I am in good in hands...”. I spread that same word to my fam as well.

I knew that this was going to be a spiritual journey. My best friend, Randi, who I spiritually trust, even confirmed this development journey of intimacy with God, before I fully realized what was all ahead of me. I felt it burning inside of me, though. SOMETHING BIG WAS UP FOR ME in such a good way. Death never crossed my man. As I had just told my friends the day before, I am invincible. They wanted to argue that statement. I said no, “until God is done with me, no man may or thing will prevail over me, until, IT is finished”.

My pride was broken down the moment before entering the hospital, though, and would become more crushed as days would come. For yes, I am invincible, but invincible men are still prone to ease into a mindset that empowers them to believe they can tackle on anything that comes because of whom they belong, TRUE, BUT they are not exempt from trials in that they need to look into their spiritual and STRONG selves and say, something is wrong I need your help...Thank God for his Holy Spirit and presence..because...

It is then AS IF, He responded, “Take my hand my Boss”

----To be Continued.